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Can My Marriage be Saved?

Mon, Dec 14th 2009

My husband of 19 years is unhappy in the marriage and says we can't communicate. I know I have been difficult and have pushed him away, but even when I admitted it, it was probably too late. I think our biggest problem is our business, which is suffering right now during this recession, and all we do is work. We're like business partners and not like husband and wife.

He is already seeing another woman and most likely will marry her. He is away on a trip right now seeing the other woman. What confuses me is that prior to his leaving, we were still having marital relations, he was still sleeping in bed with me, and told me he would take care of me and the kids no matter what.

He won't say he doesn't love me, but he does say he respects me. When I spoke to him on the phone and told him we could fix this marriage, that we should try for the sake of the kids, I sensed a vulnerability in him. I just don't know if he really still wants to be with me. He complains that he's been unhappy for the entire marriage. I know that's not true.

I have tried so hard in the last few years to be a good wife, to talk to him, try to engage him, but he won't open his heart to me. If he wants a massage, he'll ask our oldest son. If he wants a cup of tea, he'll ask our son to make it. He doesn't like to ask me to do anything for him. At breakfast, if we're not talking about the business, we sit in virtual silence unless I offer some anecdote from the newspaper.

I still love him in spite of his lack of interest in me and want to save the marriage for the sake of the children (we have three - 16, 13, and 8). But how can I save it if he is now focused on another woman and he keeps looking backwards at all the hurt?

Do you think this marriage can be saved? I want to try counseling but he is resistant.

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