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Ask Anne: Relationship AdviceAsk Anne:
Relationship Questions

Cannot support old friend in her affair

Thu, May 18th 2006

I've been "best friends" with a woman friend for over 30 years. She's going through her 3rd divorce and confided in me that she is having an affair with her 1st ex-husband, who is also married, she reports he's going to divorce his wife. I've told my friend I don't know if I can remain being a friend to her. I just feel it's plain wrong to have an affair and her ex cheated on her the first time and is along-time pornography "addict". I feel like I don't know my friend anymore, but yet we have this long friendship that has been wonderful overall. A few months ago she also confided in me that she secretly married her current husband after a few weeks dating and had a big wedding, but never told anyone (till now). I am having troubles trusting her and feel like she is behaving in deceitful ways. This has really thrown me for a loop, as her behavior comes up against my values and I don't know whether to end the friendship or not. I've already told her I can't support her emotionally about the affair. How does one gage when to end a long-term friendship such as this?

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