Anthrax ScareMark Gorkin, LICSW As many of you know, I'm a big follower of Charlie Chaplin, a genius who surely would have found inspiration in these harrowing times. As Chaplin observed: The paradoxical thing about making comedy is that it's precisely the tragic which arouses the funny...We have to laugh due to our helplessness in the face of natural [or terroristic] forces and in order not to go crazy. Well, what you are about to read may give new meaning to the word, "tragic," and as for me not going crazy...it's way to late for that! So let me give you fair warning.... (This lyric may be hazardous to the ironically-impaired!) Anthrax Scare by Mark Gorkin "The Stress Doc" (TM) Opening a letter Breathing in the air Gets you a purple heart In this anthrax scare. Hey, a little white powder Was always such fun, ah For the safe daze of coke And a hit of heroin. The answer is simple Become really vice free Pull the damn plug On news addict TV. So what's all the worry About this anthrax? Hey, just go legal Start pumping that Prozac. The existential question Well, it used to be: Enhancement and a nose job Before I'm thirty-three? Blow off the competition Forget that aqualine bob Just be first in line For that dicey nasal swab. The answer is simple For avoiding misery Go out and find Even worse off company. So what's all the worry About this Anthrax? There's never been a shortage of Hypochondriacs And let's not forget Those post office folks. For so many years The butt of our jokes. Still, there's a silver lining When handling mail is hell... Now all are excused For going postal! The answer is simple Just live virtually Always on cyber-guard With your McAfee. I'll start to worry About this Anthrax When attached in an email Or sent in a FAX. Who's the dark, swarthy guy With cold steely eyes? Is an al Quaeda man Selling me those fries? If spores and greasy oil Can be mixed and poured Now we're talking McTerror And billions will be served. The answer is quite simple Doesn't take a third degree Someone looking different Assume they are guilty. So what's all the worry About this Anthrax? We've bloated half the world With our Big Mac Attacks. So stock up on the Cipro Make a fortress of your flat Get the latest model gas mask Absolutely STAT For those that really matter... Just you and your cat! (c) Mark Gorkin 2001 Shrink Rap (TM) Productions Some words, hopefully, to help us all...Practice Safe Stress! Mark Gorkin, LICSW, "The Stress Doc" ™, is an internationally recognized speaker and syndicated writer on stress, anger management, reorganizational change, team building and HUMOR! The Doc was recently featured on CBS TV's Newspath segment -- Workplace Violence -- and in Biography Magazine. He is America Online's "Online Psychohumorist" ™ leading a weekly chat group for AOL/Digital City -- http://www.digitalcity.com/washington/stressdr . Check out his USA Today Online "HotSite" - www.stressdoc.com Stress Doc homepage. For more info, email stressdoc@aol.com or call 202-232-8662. | 
